little thing called life: September 2011

Thursday, September 29, 2011

every little gesture counts...

thanks for dropping in...
(whether here or fb)
and leaving such nice words.
i appreciate them more than you know.
for some reason, maybe the grey days...
this week really got to me
and your love and encouragement
was good medicine.
xox

Monday, September 26, 2011

she is everywhere i am...

i see her in my reflection...
and when i look down at my hands.

i talk to her everyday.
i mention her always.

and when i need her near me...
i recognize her.

still after 9 years
a layer of grief is always covering me.
sometimes it is so fine and light,
it lets everything in.
of course she's still with me on these days.

i find comfort in the fact that she
left when the leaves were beginning to change.
it's such a natural cycle of life.

it was her favourite time of year...
she loved the colours.

i don't think she had ever wanted to go grey,
live with pain...begin to show her age.

naturally i think more of her this time of the year.
change is in the air...
the light is different.
the smell is distinct.
i can hear the breeze...the crisp leaves
create a soft backdrop...almost like waves.
and i can't help but to remember it.
clearly.

autumn arrives after fresh spring
and productive summer.
it is a time to collect what you need
to get you through the winter.
she planted seeds before she left.
beautiful children, tradition and love.

more often than not, this season
covers me more like a dense wool blanket.
it is heavy.
i lay under it and find some amount of comfort.
even though it's so much thicker than i need,
i am grateful for its familiar feel.
it smells like her
and so when it's on me i can only think of her...

but it can be itchy...and uncomfortably hot.
fills me with anxiety, sadness and negativity.

i eventually throw this blanket aside,
but it is never far away.

if she'd been taken in the spring
it just wouldn't make any sense to me.
she was born into this season...
she was an autumn girl.
i see her everywhere.
xox
miss you mom

Thursday, September 15, 2011

stay at home mom...september

right from the start i need to thank my husband.
thank you.
thank you for providing us with everything
we've ever NEEDED.
maybe we didn't always get everything we WANTED,
but that comes with the territory.
i've had a beautiful life without all the extras
that come with two incomes...
thank you for allowing me to be a
stay at home mom.
i'm heading into my 17th year with this beloved title.
the title which means that i am the one on duty 24/7,
i do everything.
(except take out the garbage and iron his shirts)
(i also don't cut the grass)
(oh, and i only assist on projects that require power tools)
xox
every september arrives just in the nick of time...
it's about now that the girls and i NEED
to just do our own thing!
the last few days that is exactly what i've been doing.
get them out the door,
have a cup of coffee,
head to the hot tub
(i love this new part of my day)

i am going to eat something before noon everyday.
i promise.
today it was humus on multigrain crackers.
is there a rule against that?
not in this house.

this is my shadow.
(my hand doesn't look like that in real life)
i am wearing my hoodie/poncho....
i KNOW, isn't that FANTASTIC??!
ok, time to make a list and get to work.
(and he thinks that all i do all day is take photos and blog!)
pffffffff....
*and to all my friends who work outside the home AND do what i do....i think you are amazing... xo*