innocent until proven guilty

I am very aware that I am not allowed to
talk about certain details of the criminal case I took part in. Luckily though I can share a bit of my experience...
just for the record.
Jury selection day was intense.
 Then there's a delayed realization
that you are "Juror #9".
And before it has time to fully sink in,
you are sitting before a "victim"
and hearing every little detail of some
unbelievably horrible and traumatic event.
This is not easy stuff to digest...
it is far from the sweet little life that most of us live.
It is easy to feel empathetic and immediately want to put
the criminal away...
but then others add to the evidence,
and you hear another side...
and after 6 days of testimony
12 people, from all different life experiences
are forced to spend whatever time it takes
to reach a unanimous decision.
It took us 17 hours...
2 nights away from home.
No contact with the outside world.
No phone.
No computer.
No radio.
No newspaper.
No tv.
Guarded every minute.
It is unsettling to say the least,
but I would do it again.
We were a great team.
The amount of respect shown for each other
was such a gift.
I have made new friends...
bonded over an experience that you wouldn't understand
unless you've gone through it.
We had to trust each other
and ask for help to understand things
that none of us could imagine to be true.
We had to be patient and calm.
In the end I believe that the system worked for us.


A man was given a fair trial,
we found him not guilty
and he looked right at me and said thank you.
I hope he understands that we put the time in...
we worked tediously through the process,
bit by bit,
until we all understood
that he was innocent until
proven guilty
beyond a reasonable doubt.


I'm so glad to be home.
xox

dedicated Jann Fann.....

Saturday morning I woke up
to the worst storm we've had all winter.
Crazy winds gusts, horizontal icy snow.
Everything was white.

It was one of those days
when people just don't go out if they don't have to...
but I had a drive up the highway that I HAD to make.
Not a very long drive,
but under these conditions I knew it could be treacherous.
(and I was doing it alone)

I paced all morning and checked the weather map
every 10 minutes.
I packed my emergency supplies and waited...
things seemed to be clearing up so I headed out.
Halfway there the conditions got very messy
and I started to worry.
***
But I made it.
***
I picked up my good friend Carolyn (hi friend!)
and we had a lovely dinner before the show.

Jann had made a 15 hour bus trip through the same weather
to get there too...
and although I'm sure she was exhausted,
this was the most fun I have ever seen her have.
She seemed very relaxed and it looked like
she was really enjoying herself.
Maybe that's what turning 50 means...

This was the first time I didn't cry.
Maybe it was the disco ball...or the bubbles...
or maybe it was all because of the happy surprise I had found before the show started...

Jann has a 2012 tour book...

It has a centerfold of "Jann Fanns"...

and I am in the book.
i. am. in. the. book.
I was over the moon.
Elsie is a published photographer now :)
and
I am in the book.

Thank you Ms. Arden...
"Auntie Jann" around here...
"sweater girl" to you...
I love what you do...
I love who you are...
and your words and voice go so deep into my heart
that I cannot explain it.
We are kindred spirits,
and when you sing to me
I feel so loved.
xox
See you next time...
lucky # 7 

still focusing...

this little chart explains it all.
i have ALWAYS known...
that all i have to do is THINK of certain foods
and i gain a pound
and being insulin resistant only makes it worse.
***
 so the good news is that
i've been making really good choices...
spinach, kale, tomatoes, red peppers,
avocado, lentil, quinoa, whole grain breads, oatmeal,
water, water, water... green tea, green tea, green tea,
cinnamon, apples, nuts, berries.....
you get it right?

the bad news is
i have had terrible sinus/neck/throat pain
for the last week...
just not feeling like myself,
haven't taken a single photo...
hopefully i'm on the mend
and back to normal...
or should i say, back to myself :)
xox

i love jim cuddy

today was a very long day.
the hours dragged on and on...
i had a date with jim and i was so excited to see him!
(oh and a date with my friend and dad too)

he could sing to me all. night. long.
hello jim :)
he did not wear a shirt like this tonight...
and his back pockets were a little low for my liking...
but other than that he was perfection.

they played a nice selection of old and new songs...
everyone went home happy
and full of music.
my sensitive heart is still beating double time.
it's a side effect...
he just does that to me.
xox

saturday night...

brrrr...it was cold when i went to bed last night.
it was cold all day today and colder now this evening.
the kind of cold,
that when you go outside
your lips can freeze to each other...
and your eyeballs sting.
so us girls didn't go out there.
mike did though...he had to go find our driveway
under the week's worth of snow.

today i left my comfort zone...
elsie wanted a pineapple upside down cake.
we had to make it from scratch.
i have NEVER ever done that before.
i do not bake.
i don't own a mixer...
we just went ahead and did it anyway.

we got to it...
did our best.
i helped her and she helped me.
i gave up control.

i focused on our time together.
didn't worry about it being imperfect.
chose to make a mess...

it looks good to me.
if i'm going to have sugar, it has to be this yummy.
(recipe is in the comments)
xox
i also needed to document another important first.
mike and elsie are watching FOOTBALL together.
they are cheering and laughing and everything!
completely elsie's idea...
:)

my 2012 word

it took me all day.
you can only imagine the words
that came and went.
funny that i had such a hard time
to complete this small task.
the problem is obvious...
i need to focus.
i never made my big 2012 list.
the kitchen didn't get the fine tuned cleaning
that i had planned.
the christmas tree is still up.
rolls of wrapping paper are in the hall.
curtains didn't get hemmed.
not a single photo was taken.
the really funny thing
is that i never stopped working around here today.
never left the house.
no t.v.
no nap.
no "me" time.
just
NO FOCUS.

i used to have more focus.
i wasn't super great at it,
but i was very good at the list part.
so for right now...in this moment...
i will focus...
on what i need to focus on.
:)
time to make a list.
 i promise to make it.
xox
(how brave of me to post this photo with no mascara on!)

i love amanda's sweet life....

                                                              www.soulemama.com

I love how Amanda is living her life...it's a bit late for me to raise my girls this way, but I can learn from her and make some changes. I know I need to be more creative and spend time with like minded women. My Mom was very creative...and had so many talents. I grew up thinking that all moms were like that. I was wrong...she was pretty special. Crafty and always busy. Both my grandmothers were the same. 

I have never baked a pie...(still Elizabeth!!)

I have it in me. I've lived this life in chunks here and there...but never fully committed to it. I've always had trouble with the focus. I've also had trouble with the "perfection" part. Something always stops me from moving forward if I think I might mess up. Something holds me back...

I need a new mantra...I need to BELIEVE IT. I have never been a "soccer mom"... I have never been a "career woman"... I am a "Creative, Home-loving Mama"... and so much more.

This year is big. Two girls graduate. One girl might leave home. One Mama needs to figure out "phase two". Come up with a plan...meet more new friends...eat more greens...drink more water...take more walks...bake a loaf of bread and yes, maybe even make a pie. Stuff needs to leave this house. 

I knew this year was coming. 

welcome 2012...this should be interesting.

big year ahead.

Jann.....

Jann Arden.
She's as real as you can get.
I have been a big fan for many years.
I have been to five concerts
and I own every cd, dvd and book she has out there.
She is my favourite.

I don't think she realizes how amazing she is.

How could she know that her voice
not only sounds beautiful...
but it has an ability to touch my heart?

Her talents go way beyond song writing and singing...
she is clever and funny,
perfect for radio.
Fun to watch on tv.

Her accomplishments are many.
She is a Canadian sweetheart...

For the last few weeks she has been promoting
her new book and new cd.
The book is a memoir and her
personal story reads like a novel.
It is funny, happy, smart, honest and sad.
Just like her.
I now can relate to her on a whole new level.
Her songs have brand new meanings to me.
She is sincerely pouring out her heart.
Her songs are personal and honest.

I've never made it a habit to go out of my way
to meet a celebrity...but last week I did,
without hesitation.
After years of supporting her
it was nice that she knew who i was.
We've corresponded and I
have always been thankful of how she took the time
to stay in touch with me.
I hope she knows that this visit had nothing to do
with getting an autograph or two...
I just wanted to tell her how much I appreciated her.
Everyone needs to hear it...
no matter who they are.
 

So as if my week could get any better...
front row and centre tickets.

The show was in the most beautiful
auditorium I have ever been to.
(Jann mentioned something the same)

It was a charity concert
and Jann sent us all home with signed books.
There was no photography during the performance...
and I'm glad.
I might have missed the special looks she sent my way.
It was a night I'll never forget...
completely spoiled now for any future concerts.
It was like no one else was in the building.
Cozy and personal.
Like always, her music moved me to tears...
Thanks Jann.
xox

the first five photos were borrowed from various sources including a fb fan page.
thanks for sharing.

oh dear...i've fallen behind...

since my last post....
what a mish-mash of stuff happened...
emma went on a canoe/camping trip.
(mama was so glad to see her home safe and sound)

i was asked to add some colour to our town's
newest and most fabulous performing arts studio.

this is what we came up with for the sitting area.
LOTS OF COLOUR!

it was so wonderful to muck about with paint.
i love to muck about.

my little brother's little dude turned 3.
how cute is he?

managed to convince the cousins to sit still for 2 minutes.

this is when i started to take photos of the sunset...

one hundred and eighty two
photos of the sunset...
to be exact...

because it was an amazing show.
seriously a.m.a.z.i.n.g.

my 2 girls got ready for the first day back at school.
grades 8 and 12.
BIG year ahead.

and Mikey's Mom (aka Grandma K)
turned 80.
she has the spirit of an 18 year old.
flirted with my camera all evening.
bless her heart.
xox

i'm a night person...

i feel queezy if i have to get up before 7:30 am.
i don't like to eat anything that early, my head is in a fog.
i like the second half of the day best.
i love the silhouettes.
the outline of horizons and treetops. 

so now add a hot tub.
crickets, cool air and sunset silhouettes....
hot. tub.

august nights are my favorite of the year.
something kind of happy/sad about the last half of summer.
(hardly any skeeters either)

happy august sunsets to you...