shine

whew. i made it.
before i forget, i want to share today's horoscope. blah, blah blah, you've had a tense two or three days, blah, blah, blah, the only area of stress that may be hitting you is some stress or work related health issue.....holy cow... BANG ON!
so i went to my new job. it is so quaint and lovely. so peaceful and pretty. but it nearly killed me!
whenever i am about to try something new, i get myself completely worked up. i worry because i am a worrier. i worry about things that will probably never happen. i worry that i don't know everything and then i will appear stupid. i hate that about me. it is called "lacking self-confidence".
i am not sure why i suffer from this. in many areas of my life i actually feel extremely confident. i am really good at lowering a fever. i am a really good driver. ok so i won't go on and on (because sadly, i can't think of anything else right now...it'll come to me later).
anyway, what i'm getting to is that being offered a job and accepting it confidently is something i had no trouble doing. preparing for it is a different story. doing it is even more frightening.
so much to remember. so much i could do wrong. so much lack of self-confidence.
first day, my body was tense and my hands shook. second day, still not at ease. but, i made it through and didn't mess anything up.
so then i come home and my body tries to relax, but it can't. the tension is painful. in my shoulders, my neck, my jaw. i went to bed only to wake up way too early with a terribly kink in my neck and a gigantic headache. i also must have been grinding my teeth all night. thank you advil.
feeling better now. i just need to relax.
every tuesday will get easier.
so ya, the horoscope was exactly perfect!!
(and i will think of some things i am good at....)

i love mondays

first let me start off by saying i am not perfect. i make mistakes like everyone else. i am sure that i am not the easiest person to live with.

having said all that...weekends with my lovely little family drain me. it never starts off that way, in fact i love friday nights almost as much as monday mornings. it's just that by sunday evening i am left feeling small, bitter, empty and unloved. i'm sure i am just over-reacting due to the fact that i am just starting my second cup of coffee and the house has only been quiet for 22 minutes. give me a bit more time and i will be good to go.

i love mondays.

i love when they have all gone out the door. i love locking the door. it's symbolic. it makes me feel better. at that moment it all starts to get better. look, it's been 23 minutes and i am already half-way to a full recovery!

there is just some simple pleasure in being able to just be me. to just take care of me. no one is asking me a question. no one is needing help. no one is ignoring me. no one is making a mess. no one is interrupting my thoughts.

so until 3 o'clock i am as free as a bird!

believe me, by then i am recharged and back to normal. i wait impatiently for their return.

because i missed them....

keeping warm in the north

fate is funny

amazing how life happens. it just keeps happening. you just never know what the day will bring.
my horoscope yesterday said something like...you may be looking at a job offer that will significantly improve your social status and overall happiness. hmmm, then the phone rang and i was asked if i would be interested in a job. a cool job. i said give them my number.
today, it says there will be an unexpected opportunity. the phone rang. i was offered another job.
so i have stepped back and considered this.
what is meant to be, will be.
i love fate.

here i go again

as always, i have set my expectations too high.
what was i thinking? that overnight i would become
some great writer? yeah, i was thinking that.
this is hard to do. mostly because it is so "out there".
so much pressure to make everyone happy. that's a
much easier thing to do, day-by-day, when it is a small
group of people you're dealing with. but this is so
big. it's the fact that i have openly chosen to let
anyone in here. that's not normal. it's scary.
i must set new limits, create my blog boundaries. i love having boundaries.
it keeps me safe.
so, for now, i will be vague. i will be careful.
i don't know who's reading this.
do i just talk to myself?
very interesting.....

gotta start sometime....

i think i have always been a late bloomer. i was never
a trend setter or one of the kids with the newest electronic gadget.
the "sony walkman" came and went. i never owned a "disc camera".
i honestly didn't purchase my first cd until the summer of 1992.
so here, once again, i find myself trying to catch up.
2008 and i have just discovered "blogging".
i've been told i can do this. and i will try.
i may decide to capitalize at some point.
OBVIOUSLY i am not a writer. but i am a talker.
i just want to talk. my life is really normal, but the craziest
things go on around here. we are always saying"this is a reality
show moment". i guess everyone has them.
i just don't want to forget them.

darn it, if only i had started this a few years ago.